Why Not to Give a F**ck

“Life is a long preparation for something that never happens.”
― W.B. Yeats

Today's blog is about disappointment. normally I'd make my oft' used musical reference towards the end but I'm going to live a little this time around. Here's Kristin Hersh and Michael Stipe with "Your Ghost" from the 1994 album, "Hips and Makers":

I'm not completely clear on her exact meaning. It's a complicated piece of work. I think it's clearly about loss and disappointment; in Kristin's case, the loss of someone she loved.

The words, "push your old numbers and let your house ring 'til I wake your ghost" speak of loss and a death of some kind, though I don't think the death is a literal one in this case.

There are many deaths in our lifetimes, both in the real and the figurative senses. Some are easier to deal with than others but inevitably we have to stay in the land of the living ourselves so whatever mechanism is tuned in in our brains to adapt to change kicks up a gear and propels us over the bumps in the road towards survival and recovery.

2013 has been a year fraught with disappointment for me. I'll spare you, fearless reader, from the gory details but let it be said; that little gear in my head has been working overtime the past few months, so much so that it may be in need of an overhaul soon. This blog, however, is not about dwelling on things for the sake of "woe is me"; rather it's a quick comment on the process that allows us to move on.

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance"

The five stages of grief as created by head shrinkers. Now, there are a lot of psychological theories that I don't place much stock in but this one, somehow, makes sense to me. Having observed myself as a test subject I can honestly say that the gear in my head is currently in second - the anger stage - that frustratingly grumpy part of the road where one becomes unlikable, irritable and resentful. It's a step we have to go through. You can't get to third gear without shifting into second beforehand. So, yeah, I am currently pissed off. Nonetheless, I'm not looking forward to fourth gear. Hitting the highway in fifth is going to be awesome, though.

For those of you in a similar place to where I am right now, feel free to use me as your lab rat. Having noted my own mood swings and slow progression, I can say that there has indeed been progress. It may not sound like a "beacon of hope" right now but I say you have to let yourself be angry and then depressed for a while. Anger gets tiring, so does depression.

In my experience, depression is kind of like a Woody Allen movie; you either enjoy it for a little bit, then get annoyed by the protagonist (invariably Woody himself) halfway through, or you stick it out and realise that you have just wasted a significant amount of time observing completely inane, pointless drivel. Either way, it runs its course and the channel ulimately changes to acceptance - which is more like an episode of Looney Tunes where you finally get to see Wile E Coyote get the better of that smug Road Runner.

So chin up, (and those words are meant as much for me as they are for you). It is human nature to adapt. We change like the seasons do. It's not something we can help.

You'll be fine sooner than you think, I just know it.